I see you. I see the choice you are about to make. A big life choice. This choice will require of you love, obedience, and trust in God. Watching you compels me to revisit my own
You are a "Peter". An incredible Peter. I don't think this choice will be easy but then I don't think your life has been easy. You COULD pursue so many other venues of self-gain and self-promotion. Isn't it time you had a break? Isn't it time you look out for #1? But the Lord has led you to this crossroad.
What gets me is the delight in your eye when you speak of this choice. You don't face it with dread or fear of the unknown. Well, perhaps fear exists, but it is wholly eclipsed by trust. You face this choice with childlike faith in the Father, which attests so clearly to His holy provision for your soul. Now that He is leading you to "sell all your possessions and give to the poor...then come follow me" it's like you hardly bat an eye. It's like there's nothing more to question.
Truly, He has saved your from yourself. He has saved you from that desperate human race to fill your life with MORE of whatever because you are filled with MORE of Him. But it's quirky. Cuz you're messy. You're messy, but you get it. This is where watching you compels me to revisit "spiritual maturity". Watching you creates a wrestle with reality in my own heart. Watching you reminds me of why I love being a cross-cultural worker. You remind me that by His grace, no matter where, no matter who, no matter how much a person has, everyone everywhere is capable of owning that childlike faith, that solid maturity that knows the Lord is our Provider when He beckons us carry this cross and follow Him.
An older, "more put together but less childlike in faith" sister in Christ